Not much happened today

But its day one of my fast and I feel I should blog it. From the weekends eating/drinking I gained 4lbs back but I am almost positive it will fall off as easy as the thanksgiving weight I gained before my last fast. I ran out of water bottles today so all I've had is 2 coke zeros, 1 100 calorie starbucks vanilla coffee, and 1 cup of v8 berry juice (50 calories I think). I'm not hungry and I was still kind of sad today because of the weekends events so it definitely helped on not eating. I can't wait to weigh myself tomorrow I feel good right now, not like omg I am so skinny but more like ahhh I'm on my way I'm on my way eek. I love the feeling of a new fast.

Good news, LH left today she moved in with her moms boyfriend. I realized that her personality has really changed from high school. Shes vicious but somehow I still care about her because we used to be so close. I'm going to hang out with her again sometime this week maybe some of my "goodness" will rub off on her, so then she'll stop talking so brutally about other girls. It really makes me wonder about what she says about me. Nevertheless I will accept any friend I can get right now because I need distractions. I have another friend M who is about 5'3 and 100 lbs I've been her friend since 3rd grade we don't hang out a lot because shes usually always with her boyfriend. We've all planned a sleepover at my house tomorrow. Idk if it will go through for sure but I know that they both worry about there weight so I probably won't have to eat if I play my cards right, which somehow I can find myself out of eating situations easily. Maybe its because I'm fat and no one would believe that I fast my weeks away.

So J has continued to text me, which is so confusing because:

1. I made a fool of myself in front of him
2. He already got what I thought most guys are looking for
3. I'm fat and he saw me naked

I know I do the whole numbers of why something is the way it is but its so much easier for me to tell how I feel. Anyways, its also confusing because we don't really talk about anything. Its all kind of awkward small talk. He text me yesterday after my apology text to him and even though he didn't reply to the apology text he text me saying goodnight. And then this morning he wanted to know how I was doing and the conversation ended short. I wonder if he'll text me tomorrow too, how long can this miserable small talk go on? I just want to ask him about his life but I think we barley know each other there isn't much to talk about. idk its weird. Maybe he keeps talking to me because he thinks he got me pregnant. Maybe he just wants to talk to someone. Who knows but I just want our conversations to go differently. Should I ask him why he keeps talking to me because we already did it? Is that too blunt? I won't keep this guessing game going anymore haha

Goodnight!!