Day 3 and 4

I'm at this weight again 166 remember "6 more lbs 6 more lbs" then after that I blew up like a fucking house? Well not this time because I have ana and restricting on my shoulders. I will loose the rest of it and finally make it to my goal maybe a little lower? I'm hoping -I shouldn't hope or make plans but- 158 after this I have 10 more days left to loose 8 lbs which is def do able. I just wonder what my plans will be after that maybe eat like a vegetarian after the fast and restrict, surviving on tofu, and raw veges. I think I'm going to do protein shakes like Dylphe suggested, i loveeee smoothy king!! This whole fast I've been feeling weak and tired, walking on a cloud type of thing, oddly enough I love it. I do admit I need some preparation H  for my eye bags there getting nasty nasty but its the cost of thin- which I am not but I am on my way.

Today I need to go to the doctors office to pick up my adderrall prescription, then drop it off at the pharmacy, then go to the bank, put money in my sisters account as a Christmas present go to appliance store and get my daddy a gift card for a new lawn mower then go to the mall and get a new belly button ring. I'm fat now but I got the piercing when I was 100 lbs haha, the good days, you know I think how did I ever let myself go? I just kept running away from ana and eating "normal" and then I end up 183? I must of not been committed, or even a real ana, how could I not see and covering my ears while ana tried to whisper how fat I was getting, screaming at the top of my lungs- "LA LA LA I CAN NOT HEAR YOU" . She was trying to warn me so I didn't end up at square one, but it happened and from here there's only one way to go: up. Or should I say down as in the number on the scale.

So remember how I didn't like LH, well she has grown on me like a wart that I name and love, and would never remove but still kind of want too haha- great analogy. She makes me laugh and is super goofy, she has calmed down about talking about girls on facebook, and she always wants sleep overs and sometimes I am so depressed and she will come anyways and cheer me up. So my total perspective of her has changed shes a fun girl, and did I mention a great thinspiration uhh soo jealous. Its okay because one day I will be by her side standing at 120 then less 115 then less 110 :) can't wait can't wait, get through this week first. oh and L the boy, has still been talking to me, idk what to think of it, but I liked when the night in the car, when I gave him some...head... he kept telling me how sexy I was, which I'm sure guys always say when your going down on them, but I've never heard it before, I always hear beautiful and cute, now I feel like -oh how lame am I for saying this- a real woman.

Oh and thank you everyone who isn't judging me, it really means a lot. Later on today I will come back and tell everyone the reason I want to remain nameless and hidden behind ana. Love you guys lots!!
<3