depressed

I don't know whats wrong with me today but I feel so depressed. I'm only down 1 lb today, I wish it were 2 but whatever. Its day 4 and I'm not even hungry maybe its because I'm so down today, maybe I'm pmsing. Maybe its because I didn't get to talk to L at all yesterday and he's going to be gone today and all weekend. I keep telling myself I won't like him, and not to get close. I'm sewing seeds right now whether it be bad or good and talking to him is DEFINITELY bad seed.. I self consciously push people away, I mean it was bound to happen sometime with him, why not now? I've pushed so many people out of my life lately sometimes for my benefit and other times just because I'm stupid. Today all I've had was water and 1 piece of orbit peppermint flavored gum (5 calories). I just want to sleep for the rest of the day but I have to clean my room and take my brother to the doctor, lately I've been completely out of energy, hopefully coffee will fix this and I will fast tomorrow, instead of eating celery which I don't even believe I have. And tomorrow the big challenge is hanging out with my friend, and not going out to eat, I can pull the "I'm so broke right now because of Christmas" card. Or we could go to the movies and I could say the same thing about ordering popcorn and put a can of coke zero in my purse to sneak in. I love it the whole idea just makes me feel like I have a second life, like an alter ego who hides ana away from the world and covers her tracks. I hope she comments on my weight loss. fml I just tried on my size 7 jeans from bui-yah-kah and they won't go over my fat hips. Its weird though because I have some other jeans that are size 7 and they fit. UGHHH there's no end to my fucking fat.

Okay I'm not going to whine anymore, I just needed that little tiny vent right there haha. 

On a brighter note, last night I found some greattt thinspiration on photobucket and google!! Now my new laptop is filled with skinny girl pictures :) . I never find thinspiration in pictures of obese people it makes me sad and feel bad that someone was so heartless to take a picture. Just my opinion.