Day 4

Ahh its early morning, I'm hungry and my tummy is rumbling like its mad at me and I keep laughing at it and I'm halfway embarrassed of it halfway enjoying the sound. Its like music to my ears a beautiful symphony that plays songs like empty stomach and fasting weeks. I haven't weighed myself, but I am about to go do so I feel really good and Idk if the reasoning is that J stayed with me last night or that I weigh less

I just weighed myself eeeep, 166! Your almost to your next goal weight 6 more pounds 6 more pounds!!!
Even though there is only 2 more days left of my fast, I am doubting reaching that goal this fast. I'm starting to feel for my ribs more often now and my face seems to be thinning out as well.. My arms, let me tell you about my arms and back fat right now its gross. I have wings on my arms and when I throw my arms around carelessly it wobbles way after I stopped moving it. Now my back fat is even more nauseating then my arms. You know when you see a girl trying to cover up her back fat with her bra, but it still pokes out from the top and bottom of the strap, That girl is me. When you see a girl with back cleavage and fat that rolls over the sides of her tube tops, that girl is me. In fact ( i know its winter) I have no business wearing a tube top, especially when it reveals my most insecure spots. Anyways I have double ds and I actually wish for small boobs or smaller boobs. Like cs or something, I just feel fat fat fat with all this boobage and I probably only have so much because I am fat fat fattttttt. Cows go moo and so does Fading Figure. Okay enough downing myself. I only did it because I'm super hungry right now and I thought of food and for that I had to be punished!

Okay so last night J didn't text me until 8 something at night, I def assumed booty call (which it was). Idk I don't like him well at least I don't think so and the only thing really turning me on right now are his hott tattoos and him sleeping in my bed while my beastly dog cuddles up next to him.. its totally cute I wanted to take a picture but then I felt stupid and he might wake up and just stupid shit like that. But I think I'm going to do it anyways and post it up here. He has a sexy Taurus sign on his left shoulder then a e=mc2 or something like that on his chest his back is to me right now so I can't see. He reminds me of this guy I dated for 4 years (reasons why I am single now) but more scarred and hurt. He doesn't have a great life, and hes headed no where fast. But for some reason I like this dark/sensitive sided thing he has going for him, its HOTT. I know he doesn't like me though and I know hes not looking for a relationship and I'm not either but can we please just fake love we don't even have to trust each other, which I really prefer not too but we can cuddle and have sleep overs and you can serenade me. Uhh the possibilities of a fake lover..

Okay so this might be over 18 material right here but when I was going down on him last night and when I deep throated him I almost puked multiple times but I haven't eaten for 4 days so I wonder what would of come up? Would I just have dry heaved? And I mean I was gagging so loud, because at one point he used my head as a steering wheel to pleasure town, he didn't cum I think that's the reason. And then we did it and he still didn't cum and my legs were so sore we just had to stop he was sore too though. And he was still hard, and when I expressed my concerns about him having blue balls he said he didn't care. Which I did but this kid was hard forever and when I thought he would cum it never happened. I feel like it was me and my fat rolls. Who knows I won't dwell on it, and I am definitely doubting now if he wants to be my friend. Like he beats around the bush but I know all he wants beating is his penis in my mouth or my vagina. The only positive I am reaping out of this is inspiration to write poems. Oh and last night when I said your so big he thought I was complaining and when I said stuff like oooh you making me sore (like a sexy ohhh) he was like I don't want to hurt you blah blah blah well your complaining. Honestly I just wanted to be like: Shut the hell up and fuck me I'm not a daisy. But sometimes even Fading figure has a lady like side to her, doesn't show as often as it should..

Okay I am already trying to make food plans for this weekend I am such a fatass, Eat healthy or the weight will come piling back I keep telling myself!!


Stay Safe<3
Stay Strong<3
Stay Starved<3
(I don't know if anyone has ever said that before or made it up before me but I'm going to call it the 3 s's)