-this song makes me think of ana.
Yesterday I ate ice cream, fat ass right? Its okay I'm thinking it too. But then the oddest thing happened: I promised myself to throw it up. Mama Mia told me too... So I did as she said, and I went into the bathroom and paced, what I do when I can't make up my mind or freak out. This was solely a freak out, the hardest part was putting the tooth brush in my mouth the rest came at ease. But being a beginner at throwing up, I managed to get some threw my nose. Today I'm down a pound 168, thank you mama mia but I think I should be returning to my real mother, mama ana. That could be the last time I do it, unless I learn how to do it right.
Yesterday was a day of conforming my beliefs. L's ex girlfriend is in fact staying at his house over the holidays in his room too. Never trust a musician especially one that sings the same tune to his ex girlfriend. I'm not listening anymore L. I can't make up my mind on whether I want to keep things extremely causal with him and just have sex or if I want to ignore him forever. Because I know when his girlfriend goes back to Canada (where she lives and L used to live) he will be texting me again. So after finding out all of this from S who works at the mall, who I promised T that I would never talk to again because I fuck up his walk with god and blah fucking blah, anyways, After finding out this crucial info I went to my cousins house and did what I do when I'm mad. I drank, I drown myself in alcohol, when I was done there I went to my neighbors house and continued to drink, wine. Then I was so drunk so of course no drunk night would be complete without the text to who other than J. He was a good sport through it though, he was drinking too at a bar probably 15 minutes away.
I finally worked up the nerve, or got drunk enough to say: If you want to come over after and hang out you can.
Him being a good sport and all not wanting to say a straight no: K. Well maybe. I'm kinda low on gas
I text him back a simple: Okay
I then proceeded to be smart and not believe him, good for me, and go home and fall fast asleep in my bed. Alone. Drunk night was a success.
No boys only boozes. My new drunk rule. I will most likely break this rule. So I won't count on trying with it. I also want to stop texting J first I hate that I'm doing it and it makes me feel, gross and desperate. So from now on I need another person to drunk text, maybe a girl friend?
My sister Y (the bitchy one who apologized and I forgave) is at this negative energy thing again. She is picking on me over facebook. I'm just going to be smart and keep my distance and hope for the best she's probably on her rag right now anyways. Tomorrow I have to drive 4 hours to pick up my sister, L with my neighbor/friend T. T is a boy who is gay, and also my hero (not really), he can read people like a book, and predicts there personality on first meeting them and is always right. It just amazes me. He's like 25 I think idk, but him and I have a lot of mutual friends who I surprisingly found out are bisexual but in the closet shit. He's like a book full of knowledge and I love it.
I might be eating tomorrow, I'm not sure yet, but if I do, I will try to eat healthy. All I've eaten is 3 eggs today and a 100 cal coffee. I don't feel light headed or anything. I don't feel hungry but I made myself eat eggs.
You want to know what I do feel? Like I want to be in love, haha. Listening to this incubus song is making me want to be in love and want someone to say/sing these things about me. Uhh Brandon boyd is so dreamy.
Until Next time my loves <3
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